2002 / may / 12

adventure minus risk equals disneyland

I love AccordionGuy, and not just cause Joey reminds me of my bagpip-playing-coder friend Paul...
Now he's writing about fear - and the road less travelled. I like the solemnity in those two words - which I know from the book, but Robert Frost also used them:

 Two roads diverged in a wood, and
 I took the one less traveled by,
 And that has made all the difference.

And I open up the book next to my bed (Don Miguel Ruiz' the mastery of love) and I read about the power of the fear.

And I think of Morrissey's "shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you / from doing all the things in life you'd like to".
[And I'm indoors, though it's grey and col outside and I haven't written any frightening verses to a bucktoothed girl in Luxemburg today.]

And I am afraid of what might happen if I break the spells that smother my energy.

Or rather, I'm afraid of what will happen.

There's a pile of notes on the livingroom floor - my favourite sketchpad, the livingroom floor. My favourite couch, the livingroom floor. Where I read the paper, the livingroom floor. Where I sit slouching down, the livingroom floor. A tear makes a slow run, the livingroom floor. On the salmon pink carpet of the livingroom floor.

The last few weeks I've been slowly getting accustomed to my life not going very well. Even though it all seems so well on the outside. Even last week, when D. asked me if there was more going on, I said there wasn't, and I knew I was lying. He knew it, too, and chose to let it be - it wasn't the right moment. Wise guy, D. I sat down and started writing instead, and wrote until five in the morning, and wrote and edited until I wasn't lying anymore, and I looked the truth in the face.
[to be continued]

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