2004 / january / 08

Seeing Magnolia again

Magnolia was on tv tonight, on canvas so no commercials, just the full three hours straight.

I made a cup of tea halfway and sent one sms, otherwise no distractions. It had me hooked like few movies do when I watch them on my small screen.

I saw it in the cinema when it came out, and I was very touched by it then, too - but by different parts of the script. It were the victims then whom I related to then, like Jim the lonely cop, the Quiz kid, Claudia, Jimmy's daughter. The other storylines I did not relate to inside myself, but more as the world outside.

Watching it now, I found myself not half as interested in those characters' stories as in the others'. Especially Jimmy and Frank Mackey. I have dropped much of my own victim and gained more compassion over the years, and I'm really thankful for that.
And I cried like I haven't done in a long time. I cried for the sadness I identified with, for the sadness I saw outside myself, and for the sadness which hit me just as much inside of me as outside.
It was the first real 'cracking up' moment after the split with M. around christmas. Sometimes it takes a movie to take me out of myself and let myself break. Or maybe it was just the right movie at the right time.

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